I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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