This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I won the penis lottery.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
