When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
