i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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