Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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