he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
