I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...