it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
my poor anus
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.