i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.