Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am

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  (757): if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am http://tfl.nu/cj17
  Replies (24) Good night (4197) Bad night (696)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt

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  (617): He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt http://tfl.nu/0t60
  Replies (45) Good night (4830) Bad night (1636)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out

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  (580): i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out http://tfl.nu/gevy
  Replies (64) Good night (1175) Bad night (9926)
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  (845): View more from New York

  We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.

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  (845): We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey. http://tfl.nu/dkad
  Replies (38) Good night (3933) Bad night (1746)
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  (415): View more from California

  I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?

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  (415): I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number? http://tfl.nu/po3x
  Replies (7) Good night (9147) Bad night (1351)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  She's clinging to me like a horny koala.

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  (425): She's clinging to me like a horny koala. http://tfl.nu/a9hq
  Replies (10) Good night (3596) Bad night (1132)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.

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  (678): Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min. http://tfl.nu/nnq2
  Replies (18) Good night (720) Bad night (1914)
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  (949): View more from California

  I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  It's like the whiskey god was watching over you

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  (949): I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id. (702): It's like the whiskey god was watching over you http://tfl.nu/wgp4
  Replies (7) Good night (3451) Bad night (717)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  ..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.

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  (828): remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch. (1-828): ..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so. http://tfl.nu/n0v1
  Replies (8) Good night (1995) Bad night (668)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.

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  (423): I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar. http://tfl.nu/yxk9
  Replies (15) Good night (2762) Bad night (669)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.

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  (402): Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night. http://tfl.nu/4fcf
  Replies (3) Good night (1360) Bad night (656)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm coming right back.

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  (601): Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell? (1-601): I'm coming right back. http://tfl.nu/the6
  Replies (3) Good night (882) Bad night (374)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.

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  (308): First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress. http://tfl.nu/t184
  Replies (2) Good night (765) Bad night (329)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"

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  (602): The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery" http://tfl.nu/wak2
  Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (447)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied

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  (248): Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied http://tfl.nu/om6i
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (244)

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