Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes