I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
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I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes