.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
