um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
