so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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