He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
