is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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