I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Enjoy the penises
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
