My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
