I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
