Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
