I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
