Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
