her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it glows. i had to have it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
