Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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