Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
