I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
