so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
