at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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