You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
