I got chris browned last night
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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