She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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