Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
