I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
