i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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