It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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