so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
