you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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