i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
