I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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