Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
