yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh god it's open bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
