i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
