It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We are all done wearing pants today
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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