Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
