The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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