Its about making memories worth repressing
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
