My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
