just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize