i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
