I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
