apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
