Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize