I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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