So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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