she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
