There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
