I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
