We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
