Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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