Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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