The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
