Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
