...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The power of my boobs compel you
I supernannyed him into submission
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
