I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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