you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
