why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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